A Common European Language

With all the talk about a single European currency, some people are talking about a common European language, with English being touted as the preferred language for communications, ahead of German. But the British will be asked to concede a simplified spelling to be phased in over a five-year period.

In the first year, 'S' would be used instead of the soft 'C'. Sertainly, sivil servants will resieve this news with joy. Also, the hard 'C' will be replaced with 'K'. Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less letter on the keyboard.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome 'ph' will be replaced by f. This will make words like 'fotograf' 20 per sent shorter.

In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent 'e's in the languag is disgrasful, so they would hav to go.

By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing 'th' by 'z' and 'w' by 'v'. During ze fifz year, ze unesesary 'o' kan be dropd from vords kontaining 'ou', and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

After zis fifz year, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil beno mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer. Ze drem vil finali kum tru.