Miss me but let me go

I have been delaying writing this particular post for as long as possible and I have not wanted to post anything until I had this posted so please do forgive the lack of posting but this is important. There are two reasons for this, namely timing but more importantly the sheer emotiveness of this topic. Last Wednesday week, my nanna passed away peacefully in her sleep. She had a long life and a tough life with many crosses to carry.

To say that this upset me is to state the obvious. I loved my nanna very very much and I will miss her dearly.

In the last couple of years of her life, my gran has been living in the care of the nursing staff of the Hospital of the Assumption in Thurles, Co. Tipperary. She enjoyed her time there and I know she loved being in a place which respected her dignity, whilst also allowing for her to have her privacy when required. For a women who used to walk up and down the road to town and to visit her neighbours, it always annoyed and frustrated her that she lost her ability to walk unaided. However, this physical affliction did not mean that she lost her mental health and she maintained her networks of friends and family and always had a caring word for all of us.
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My Nana came from a family of seven, two boys and five girls. She was originally was from Adare, Limerick and she always loved to return to it whenever the chance presented itself. As per the papal bull of the early 20th Century, she along with her siblings were brought up as Roman Catholic in a mixed marriage (Protestant & Roman Catholic). A marriage which was not favored by her Mothers Parents. Indeed her Catholic education permeated into her own family and she was a very devout women to her Church and God. My Grandmother had many stories from Adare, one which I remember was a conversation she had with her mother who had secured the permission of the Earl of Dunraven for her children to cross through his land on their way to school. She was always reminded that this was a privilege and not to abuse it.

As she grew older, and with jobs scare my Grandmother got a job in what was the Waterman's Inn in Killaloe. Thus began a love affair with that town which lasted a lifetime. She married my Grandfather in 1947 in the Catholic Church of St. Joseph's in Limerick city and she loved him dearly. One of the stories we have recalled in the last couple of weeks is that of her Wedding photo with her beloved Johnny. They married on Shrove Tuesday in Feb 1947 and it was snowing so she was unable to wear her white shoes as part of her outfit so she had to wear pratical black 'wedge' shoes for the duration of the ceremony. However she forgot to change the shoes for the Photograph, which meant that it was taken without her lovely white shoes and instead she had her pratical 'wedge' shoes! She was not amused but with time she was able to see the fun side of the story. Their time together however was to be shortlived. In 1975, my grandfather died and my Nan was left with nine children ranging in ages of 27 down to 11, my Uncles and Aunts.


Tough times and a hard cross to carry for some. However life moves along as at a quick pace just when you need it to stand still, it does not and having dependent Children does not allow for much room for waiting around. So she reared her children with decorum and instilled respect in them and in their children in doing so. She was a truly magnificent women.

I have two enduring memories of my grandmother. One is from when I was around 6/7 and it was the summer holidays, and the Sun was belting down. We were down the town and we decided to go over the old railway bridge by the river. It also meant that we would be going past the Swings in the park, which was far more important for me! As we came down the railway bridge, there was alot of ants on the stone work and I asked her what were ants a sign of. She gave me a look as if to say 'does this child ever stop asking questions' but responded calmly that she had no idea what ants were a sign of but to stop looking at them and to help her down the steep steps. It was a good deflection of the topic and I easily forgot about it when I saw the swings.

My second enduring memory is the day she left home in an ambulance after she had fallen again and moved into the nursing home. That day was a very sad day for all of us. At the time I did not want it to happen. With hindsight, it was the right decision and whilst she was away from her home, She still managed to be the centre of attention at all of our infamous family gatherings-9 children and 28 grandchildren make for a pretty great gatherings ;-)- and amazingly she still managed to get all the news of the Parish before any of the rest of us saw any of the smoke signals!

Yes my nana had a long life. She died on the weekend of her 88th Birthday-Coincidently one of her Aunts is still alive at 105! Yes it was hard at times. She outlived her husband, Johnny, one of her brothers, George, three of her sisters, Margaret, Kathleen & Bridget as well as three of her grandchildren, Cathal, Seoirse and Michaél. and Yes we will miss her alot. Death comes to us all in the end, however short or long our life span is we can only do our best. The large crowds in our home and in the church, coming from nine different parishes as well as seven priests at the Funeral, are a testament to a life well lived.

Rest in Peace Nan and say a prayer for us all. God knows we need it.

Susan Josephine Hickey (1920-2008)

Miss me but Let me Go
(Anon.)

When I come to the end of the road and the sun has set for me
I want no rites in a gloom-filled room, why cry for a soul set free

Miss me a little but not for long, and not with your head bowed low
Remember the love that we once shared, miss me...But let me go.

For this is a journey we all must take, and each must go alone,
It's all a part of the Master's plan, a step on the Road to home.

When you are lonely and sick of heart, Go to a friend we know,
And bury your sorrows in doing good deeds,

Miss me...but let me go.

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